“I want you to go out into the world; there are people out there who are desperately seeking Me. They seek my hope, my joy, and my love. They don’t know where to turn or which path to take because they have been blinded by others.”
“But..But Lord…” I stammered… “My child is with child.”
“Trust in me, leave them in my care!” He said. “Besides, I have something that will bless you even more”
My thoughts were mixed. I truly wanted to follow the Lord, but that would mean leaving behind my family. I knew that My Lord would take care of them, He had so many times before, but I wanted to see my babies growing up.
That night I wept hard. It wasn’t easy for a mother to depart from her children. In fact, if I had learned anything from the life of Christ, it was that a mother’s joy was in seeing their children growing up right before their eyes. But their anguish was seeing their flesh and blood being ripped from their hands.
I thought that my family was an important part of my ministry. After all, I came from a background where both of my parents abandoned me at an early age. So I was determined not to do the same to my own family. In fact, since I learned the body of Christ basically turned their back on me I thought that my family was my only ministry now and forever. Everybody else failed me.
Everybody else but Christ.
But the Lord was teaching me something new here. Something I would not understand for a very long time. When it came to His ministry, and His family the possibilities were truly endless. Just like the Lord directing Moses on the mountain to look to the North, West, East and South, His true family was not bound to a small four walled house. No. His true family reached well beyond the four corners of the earth. â€śI have spread out my hands all the day unto a rebellious people, which walketh in a way that was not good, after their own thoughts;â€ť Isaiah 65:2
The Lord never turned His back on His own family, that is, the people doing the will of His Father in heaven. But neither did he ever turn his back on anyone else either. He knew there were souls that needed saving.
I had been hesitant so many times before to invite strangers into my life. I learned very early not to trust anyone. Not only from my own battered life, but even those I counted as brothers and sisters turned against me. Every single time I tried to make friends with people they always seem to manifest evil in some way. Everywhere I looked even from the first time I heard the calling of the Lord, all I saw were demons. I just didnâ€™t want evil in my presence at all. But there was something going on in my heart, taking it completely over. I never fit in with my brothers and sisters. I learned to love them from a distance. I preferred to love the homeless, the lost sheep, those lost souls on the highways and byways. But I loathed the souls in the buildings. I loathed and had no pity at all for the rich pastors, the prosperity preachers, nor the pastors who didnâ€™t have the boldness of the fire and brimstone preachers of the old days, before I was even born. I turned away from the judgmental kind, never really facing them. I preached against them, but never actually confronted them face to face. Things were about to change.
Now the Lord was calling me to go out into the world, beyond the comfort of my own home – beyond the comfort of the life that I knew. Sure I knew and trusted the Lord to always have my back. After all, I was His chosen one. I was His voice in the wilderness. But in truth I was so scared. I knew at some point that the ministry I had would grow. It had to because this wasnâ€™t actually my ministryâ€¦it was the Lordâ€™s. It was all the Lordâ€™s.
But in my zeal for the Lord I had forgotten one crucial truth: the Lord never intended to stop His work in me, but to continue His work through me.
I was, after all, just a vessel.
I was a vessel that started out with the Lordâ€™s love and compassion. After all, it wasnâ€™t the Lordâ€™s wrath that first drew me near to Him that moment in the hospital bed. It was His compassion shining through His servant. I was never struck by a bolt of judgmental lightning. The kind of lightning that left nothing but ashes where a city once stood. Noâ€¦the Lord never once worked that way at allâ€¦ God always came first as a Savior to the nation that cried out under the bonds of imprisonment and abuse. Then He sent His Son, in the role of a babe, born in a dirty manger.
My Lord, My Jesus always spoke with calm authority, even to those Pharisees, who vehemently opposed Him in the face. The words He often spoke were always authoritive, yes. But they were never condemning at all. He knew that all people, no matter what fallen state they were in, were always in need of the Fatherâ€™s love, of His forgiveness. Even during the harshest of battles, rough soldiers always needed the grace and forgiveness of God.
So in order for the Lord to work through me, I couldnâ€™t possibly hide my light anymore. I had to take off the shade and separate the curtain that separated me from the rest of humanity. Yes, I had to come out of my shell and expose my flesh to the world. I didnâ€™t want to be a household name. I wanted all the glory to be Godâ€™s. And Godâ€™s alone. But the life I lead behind the curtain and under the shade wasnâ€™t allowing that. You could be invisible hands feeding the hungry and clothing the poor, but those invisible hands had to be useful hands. A workman is always worthy of his wages.
Deep inside I knew that the Lordâ€™s ministry had to expand, because the Lord would not work at all in a heart of stone! Yes, I was sure to get hurt in the process. I risked being stoned to death by evil sinners. But just like the Lord, I would live to see another day. But was the cost truly worth it? Was His eternal love worth the cost?
After all, I knew that only a few would make it to heavenâ€¦not a whole lot. The Bible even numbered those in Godâ€™s heavenly presence to be 144,000. Thatâ€™s not a lot of souls saved considering how many have lived and perished since the creation of the earth. So I had to get busy, I had to prioritize my time to make full use of it. The little things in my immediate surroundings could keep, but I had a mission.. a calling that I would not care to be ignorant of.
There were souls out there in the world that were on their deathbeds, or at the worst dying. I had to reach these poor souls and make sure that they knew that they knew Jesus was Lord.