Like a lot of people, I deal with doubt. A lot. I remember shortly after I became saved (again). I was in my room praying, and meditating, and the thought that since I wasn’t perfect, that God was not happy with me.
Though I am resolved that God does love me, there have been times since then that I’ve had other doubts. Sometimes I doubt that I will even see tomorrow, or that God has a plan for me, despite the fact that I know quite the opposite.
But I still struggle with issues of trust. Sometimes life kind of pops a situation at me that, I kid you not, knocks me off my firm foundation. On the outside I act like everything will turn out fine, like I am some sort of optimist. But on the inside I am shaking like a darn leaf on a tree on a very windy day.
But a tree that is well rooted is never shaken. It’s roots sometimes dig far beneath the ground, longer and taller than the part of the tree on the top of the soil.
Since my mother passed away earlier in the year, and even before then, as I watched her getting weaker from all her years of living, I faced a mix of both doubt and faith. I didn’t know exactly what to expect, but I did (and do) continue to move forward (or to stand still, whatever it is that God demands).Â There was a fear and/or doubt of what was going to happen to me. I knew that it wouldn’t be easy. I knew that there would be some bumps in the road. But I thank God because I knew that God had His hand on me and that He was increasing me in whatever it was that I needed to move on: whether it was maturity, faith, steadfastness, peace.
That last one though: peace. That is still an area I struggle with. I still face situations I do not like. Situations that cause me to run from my responsible, much like King David did. But I am still learning how God works. I am still learning that even though I face different storms than I did before, that Jesus is still walking on water in the storm, towards me.
Throughout my life, I’ve learned a very good lesson: there are things that are way beyond my control. There are people that are way beyond my control. But they are not beyond God’s control, and neither am I for that matter. I think back to the elementary school classic, and start to sing it “He’s God, He’s got the whole world in His hand!”
Even when we doubt, even when we don’t believe, even when we don’t trust…God is still at work in our lives.
So who am I…who are we, to limit God’s power in our lives?