Pull Up Your Darn Pants!

Posted by Eddy Damas
Nov 03 2017

I’m not responsible for the contents of this post. Actually an old friend of mine is. But it sounds like she has a good point. Some of this is edited for Christians. I hope she doesn’t mind!

I’M SO DONE!!!
PULL YOUR DAMN PANTS UP AND QUIT FONDLING YOUR PRIVATES IN PUBLIC!! AT NO TIME SHOULD A MAN (or any adult, for that matter) HAVE HIS HANDS DOWN HIS PANTS IN PUBLIC! IF YOU ARE NOT A TWO-YEAR-OLD TRYING TO PINCH IT OFF UNTIL YOUR MAMA TAKES YOU TO THE RESTROOM, I WILL ASSUME THAT YOU ARE MASTERBATING IN PUBLIC AND I WILL CALL THE POLICE!

For more than a decade I’ve had to turn away and conceal my dislike and annoyance at what some may call a “fashion trend” where trousers are worn below the butt crack!

Well, I’ve kept my opinions and my remarks to myself in the hopes that “this too shall pass.” I can no longer keep my mouth shut, nor do I feel I should: For the second time this month I’ve had to shop along with men (term used loosely) while they tooled around the GROCERY STORE with their hands shoved down the front of their pants, anchoring support by clutching their private parts in an attempt to keep their britches up!

Now mind you–post playing “pocket pool”–the “prokaryotes” proceed to fondle the produce, meat products, dairy products, potato chips or whatever. I am totally disgusted and today I went off. After the “offender” lowered his britches to where I could see the complete outline of his family jewels in his faded, worn underwear as he cupped them with his filthy hands, I did for all those who still hope for a return of decency a favor: I told him to take his hands out of his pants.

With disbelief he looked around and then asked, “Are you talking to me?”
“Yes, I’m talking to you,” I responded.
Still not sure if I was addressing him he asked, “What did you say?”
I repeated, “Take your “$$%^$@” hands out of you pants!”
He said, “That’s none of your business!”
To which I replied, “Oh but it is! I’m tired of looking at your nakedness. It’s offensive and I’m tired of seeing it!”
Of course, everyone was looking down at their phones, at magazines–or wherever–and no one said a word.
Well, at the advice of a friend, I’m taking my environment back!! I will no longer be silent.

Just in case you didn’t hear me the first time:

PULL YOUR DAMN PANTS UP AND QUIT FONDLING YOURSELF IN PUBLIC!! AT NO TIME SHOULD A MAN (or any adult, for that matter) HAVE HIS HANDS DOWN HIS PANTS IN PUBLIC. IF YOU ARE NOT A TWO-YEAR-OLD TRYING TO HOLD YOUR WATER, I WILL ASSUME THAT YOU ARE MASTERBATING IN PUBLIC AND I WILL CALL THE POLICE!

There is a reason for closed doors and clothes, and modesty. If we have any desire to fondle ourselves in the public square, then it would be best to either not be seen in the public’s eyes. Also if you dare have your hands down your pants, fondling your family jewels, then that means that the public would be better off wearing surgical (or non-surgical) rubber gloves. Truly, if there is something wrong with your privates that you need to fondle them in public, I would be the first one to refer you to a specialist. Preferably a Psychologist!

Oh, and by the way…if I catch you even looking at my daughter (or even my wife) when you are fondling yourself, you won’t have to worry about whatever’s going on down there…or a doctor’s referral for that matter.

 

 

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